I'm ba - ack!!

I took a huge sabbatical from blogging – and I’m sorry about that.  I just wasn’t sure if it was the right thing for me or not. 

I will say – I have missed the running/blogging community.  My running has slacked of significantly and I blame myself for that.  I guess I needed a break.

It’s depressing to realize that 6 months ago I was able to run 13.1 miles and today – I’m pushing myself to run 5. 

That said – I am officially back in the shoes!  I’ve signed myself up for several races over the next few months and I’m looking forward to it.  One of those being the Cupcake Classic Virtual Run - hosted by  Run with Jess - if you haven't signed up for it - you should!  She's got awesome prizes and is a great motivator!  

I've missed running - A LOT. Don't get me wrong - I've run over the past few months - but not as much as I was.  I miss the way running makes me feel.  Physically and mentally.  I'd say it's hard to explain - but I know you all get it! 

I hope everyone is doing well and I am looking forward to getting caught up on all of your blogs!!

My May Motivation

I’m running faster.  I know I am.  My race times may not show it – but I feel myself getting faster.  I’m currently one of those people that run essentially the same pace per mile regardless of it being a 5k, 10k or half marathon. 

I’m working on changing that. 

Now that my half marathon is behind me – I plan on taking time this month to enjoy running again.  To run because I want to -  not because my schedule dictates that I run a certain number of miles on a specific day.   Truth be told – I still have a schedule.  It’s just a  much gentler, nicer one.  My long run is going to top out at 6 miles this month.  My training runs during the week – between 3 and 4. 

I like the idea.  Going out and running for a half hour – forty five minutes because I want to is something I can get behind. 

Back to my speed.  My training runs these past two weeks have definitely been faster.  I’m pushing myself.  I feel it every night when I am trying to sleep and my legs are aching.  I know I’ve forced them to give me more than they are used to. 

I have one race on the calendar for the month – and that’s a 10k.  I’ve only run one other 10k and that was back in October.  It’ll be interesting to see if my pace improves this time around.  I plan on it – I just don’t want to overshoot my goal. 

That’s always my dilemma – do I aim high and then possibly feel disappointed in my results or do I go conservative and then feel “extra motivated” when I surpass my expectations? 

How do you determine what your goal is for a race? 

Finally...my half marathon recap....

Before I move officially move into May (and I promise to be a better blogger this month) I want to be sure I recap my FIRST half marathon. 

I learned a lot about myself on this journey.  This is the first "quest" I've been on that I have stuck with based on sheer determination.  I have been running - since June of last year - 3, 4, 5 days+ a week.  I haven't done anything that consistently for at least 11 years.  (which is how old my son is about to turn!)

Two days before my race - my " running partner" - who has not trained with me in 6 months but had committed to run the half bailed on me.  I can't say that I was surprised but I was forced to really look inside myself. 

The biggest accomplishment of my life I was going to do alone.  I think that's my biggest takeaway from this.  Don't get me wrong - I am proud that I ran those 13.1 miles (at least most of them) but I am really PROUD that I made a decision to go - by myself  - and run for me. 

The race for the More Magazine + Fitness All Women's Half Marathon that took place in Central Park on April 15th.  The race started at 8am and since I live about 90 minutes outside of the city I needed to go in the night before. 

After playing tag with my husband (literally dropping our kids off at his office since he had to work that day) I took the train into Grand Central.  I proudly got my metro card and took the subway downtown to the expo.  Because at that point I was having (and still may be) a love / hate relationship with running I wasn't really into it.  I didn't want to buy more running gear if I was going to lay off running for awhile. 

Subway back up to my hotel and I spent the night by myself.  REALLY SUCKED to be in the city alone.  (and in bed by 9pm!)  Felt like a total waste of money and the experience.  I missed my husband and if we weren't dogsitting for our neighbors I probably would have pushed him to join me. 

Anyways....the weather on race day was really nice.  ALMOST too nice.  The corrals were very clearly marked and the porto potty lines weren't too crazy.  As the race kicked off it started to rain but it wasn't cold so I considered that to be a good thing.   The sun coming out in all its glory about half way through made it HOT. 

I was surprised by all of the walkers.  Right from the beginning there were walkers.  I'm a strict rule follower so I found this kind of annoying.  Walkers were supposed to start in the back. I'm slow - but I wasn't in the walking corral.  :-)

There were just under 8k runners.  We were on top of each other.  A lot of weaving in and out.  This didn't really bother me- I'm so used to running alone that to be in with such a tight group of people was a new experience for me. 

After the first mile I felt pretty good.  (that first mile I always have to push myself through - as crazy as that sounds) Until mile 7.5 I ran at a steady pace - around 10:40 per mile.  

Central Park is a lot of rolling hills with one mother of a hill on the Upper East.  The first time I stopped to walk was at mile 7.5 and I only walked for less than a minute- just to "regroup". 

At mile 10 I hit a wall.  My legs were lead.  The sides of my hips hurt, it was hot and I was TIRED.  I had to push myself to run.  I think I stopped 3 times in the last 3 miles!! 

My end time was 2:23:51.  Just under an 11 minute mile pace which was my goal.  Truth be told - I wanted to be sure I came in under 2:30 and I really wanted 2:15.  2:15 didn't happen - but I was pretty happy with myself. 

Overall it was a great experience and it taught me that for my next one (because I'm sure there will be a next one) I can do it.  Nothing to fear. 

I am healthy, I have trained for this - I am strong.  A good mantra - I think I'll keep it.

I am HEALTHY, I have TRAINED FOR THIS, I am STRONG.....where I've been. (I'll try and keep this short!)

Hello Everyone.  I am so sorry it has been so long since I've "blogged".  I've got a myriad of excuses for why I haven't. 

First and foremost - I haven't felt like it.  I've thought about it a lot- I just couldn't work up the energy to do so. 

I travel a LOT for my job and this past month has been brutal.  I feel like I've barely been home (as I currently sit in a hotel lobby) and I'm getting ready to leave again for another week long trip next week.  (I still haven't told my kids yet about this one!)   Traveling curtails blogging for me (and running). 

As you may or may not recall - I also have been having issues with an on again - off again - cough.  This reached it's "prime" about 3 weeks ago.  I ended up have a few trips to the doctor, a chest X-Ray and now have an inhaler I keep with me.  I guess I have sports induced asthma. 

Additionally - the chest X-Ray showed up something funky with my heart.  I ended up heading back to the cardiologist - who essentially thinks I'm FINE.  However, I need to have a stress test - stay tuned as that's coming up in a week and a half. 

So...all of this has sort of thrown me into a funk.  A bit of a "running is killing me, my job is making me crazy, and yet I still can't seem to lose the weight I want funk".

On for the good news.  My first half marathon is officially behind me.  The More Fitness Magazine All Women's Half Marathon was this past Sunday - April 15th.  (I got the go ahead from my cardiologist on Wednesday that I could run it).  All of these medical issues derailed my training a bit - so I went into it feeling a bit under confident.  I had to keep telling myself I could walk if I needed to.  I also kept telling myself it may be my only marathon so I wanted to give it my best shot.  That's where my new mantra kicked in.

I am healthy, I have trained for this, I am strong.   I told myself this repeatedly on Sunday. 

I'll do a full half marathon report soon (as I want to document this for myself as well - as I'm not certain I have any readers left!). 

For those of you whose virtual runs I missed this past month - I'm sorry - life just got in the way. 

Look what showed up today? A sign of SPRING!

I NEVER thought I'd be happy to see this return.   The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and the Port A Potty has arrived!   (This happens to be on my running loop so it's come in handy at times!)

Facing your fear

For those of you that are Biggest Loser fans - you know that the premise of last night's episode was to "face your fear".  At the time I didn't really give much thought to it.

Today as I was digging for motivation - I started to think about my upcoming half marathon.  About the fact that I will be running it "alone" .  (you know - with 10k other runners!)  and how the course map indicates that there are 4 major hills.  About the fact that I ran 10 miles this past weekend and came in almost last .....about the fact that I train and run races without a running partner....this list goes on.  My mind has a tendency to go into overdrive sometimes.

Anyways....at some point I made the connection to my thoughts today and last night's BL. I realized that I am facing a personal fear each time I show up at the starting line.  Nobody's driving me there.  I'm making myself go - nerves and all - and doing the best I can.  Hell - nobody would even know if I didn't go.  (I did debate last weekend going for breakfast instead of the race! - who would know? )

I'm not the girl that goes alone to the movies.  I'd rather stay home.  I enjoy my peace and solitude at times - but I certainly don't go "public" in my quest for alone time.  During last weekend's race there were 2 packs out in front - and then the remaining runners were single runners.  Nothing to push you along except the quest for reaching the finish line. 

I'm not sure why I keep running. Maybe I would have quit by now if I hadn't signed up for this stupid half in April.   I don't know.  I'm certain I wouldn't be out running 10 miles on a Sunday morning.  At least not ALONE.  (sorry to whine so much about the whole running alone thing :-)

 I run because I take pride in my accomplishment - and yet it so many times makes me feel inadequate.  I could certainly run faster, run longer, run more....but....I get up each day, I get on the treadmill or head for the hills (literally) outside my front door....and I run. 

What makes you run?  What makes you face your fear?