Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Facing your fear
Today as I was digging for motivation - I started to think about my upcoming half marathon. About the fact that I will be running it "alone" . (you know - with 10k other runners!) and how the course map indicates that there are 4 major hills. About the fact that I ran 10 miles this past weekend and came in almost last .....about the fact that I train and run races without a running partner....this list goes on. My mind has a tendency to go into overdrive sometimes.
Anyways....at some point I made the connection to my thoughts today and last night's BL. I realized that I am facing a personal fear each time I show up at the starting line. Nobody's driving me there. I'm making myself go - nerves and all - and doing the best I can. Hell - nobody would even know if I didn't go. (I did debate last weekend going for breakfast instead of the race! - who would know? )
I'm not the girl that goes alone to the movies. I'd rather stay home. I enjoy my peace and solitude at times - but I certainly don't go "public" in my quest for alone time. During last weekend's race there were 2 packs out in front - and then the remaining runners were single runners. Nothing to push you along except the quest for reaching the finish line.
I'm not sure why I keep running. Maybe I would have quit by now if I hadn't signed up for this stupid half in April. I don't know. I'm certain I wouldn't be out running 10 miles on a Sunday morning. At least not ALONE. (sorry to whine so much about the whole running alone thing :-)
I run because I take pride in my accomplishment - and yet it so many times makes me feel inadequate. I could certainly run faster, run longer, run more....but....I get up each day, I get on the treadmill or head for the hills (literally) outside my front door....and I run.
What makes you run? What makes you face your fear?