Today as I was digging for motivation - I started to think about my upcoming half marathon. About the fact that I will be running it "alone" . (you know - with 10k other runners!) and how the course map indicates that there are 4 major hills. About the fact that I ran 10 miles this past weekend and came in almost last .....about the fact that I train and run races without a running partner....this list goes on. My mind has a tendency to go into overdrive sometimes.
Anyways....at some point I made the connection to my thoughts today and last night's BL. I realized that I am facing a personal fear each time I show up at the starting line. Nobody's driving me there. I'm making myself go - nerves and all - and doing the best I can. Hell - nobody would even know if I didn't go. (I did debate last weekend going for breakfast instead of the race! - who would know? )
I'm not the girl that goes alone to the movies. I'd rather stay home. I enjoy my peace and solitude at times - but I certainly don't go "public" in my quest for alone time. During last weekend's race there were 2 packs out in front - and then the remaining runners were single runners. Nothing to push you along except the quest for reaching the finish line.
I'm not sure why I keep running. Maybe I would have quit by now if I hadn't signed up for this stupid half in April. I don't know. I'm certain I wouldn't be out running 10 miles on a Sunday morning. At least not ALONE. (sorry to whine so much about the whole running alone thing :-)
I run because I take pride in my accomplishment - and yet it so many times makes me feel inadequate. I could certainly run faster, run longer, run more....but....I get up each day, I get on the treadmill or head for the hills (literally) outside my front door....and I run.
What makes you run? What makes you face your fear?
You should check into the pace teams, they are awesome and you become a little group and they motivate and get you moving! I know you can do it either way but its an amazingly fun and helpful thing to do when you doing a half!
ReplyDeleteThanks Courtney - I'll see what I can find out!
DeleteWe all feel inadequate at times, no matter what. I suppose that's a big part of what makes us or breaks us as runners.
ReplyDeleteBest running quote ever ...
"Standing at the starting line we're all cowards."
Alberto Salazar
Great quote - thanks for sharing. Thank you so much for finding me and the follow!!
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